While growing up kids always worry about not “fitting in” with the rest of their peers. Although I suppose it’s clear to my parents that I’ve always been different, the differences I’ve noticed in post-college life have convinced me that I seem to fit in this world even less than ever.

From way back, I wasn’t a normal girl. In kindergarten 2 boys did fight over me, but then another girl came to school and ruined that. (Haha maybe not, I don’t really remember) I’ve always had a rather abnormal love of dogs, and I still maintain that I was closer to my Sheltie than my human brother while growing up. I argued with my mom to let me have boy-length hair for years, which landed me with years of being mistaken for a boy. I absolutely hated dresses and definitely tried to cry my way out of them. In my whole childhood I think I was given one Barbie, and I had no interest in ever playing with it.

During hunting season in Michigan, I’d wake up really early on Saturday mornings to “go hunting” with my Dad at his friend’s property. This boiled down to a stop at Dunkin’ Donuts for hot chocolate, then sleeping in a blind until there was enough daylight to read The Hardy Boys and taking breaks to look around for deer. Meanwhile my brother more often slept in at home. Now when I have the chance to hunt, I still need my detective friends to make the experience feel right.

For the longest time I had one really close friend who played “Lion King” with me. Neither of us liked Nala, so we’d be Simba 1 and Simba 2 in our forts. We’d also spend forever talking on the phone about God knows what, just to finish the conversations with me walking to her back fence – while still on the phone – because we lived in the same neighborhood.

Being watched in sporting events, band performances, etc. has been a no-no for me for as long as I can remember. I played softball from 1st-10th grade, and as soon as I was old enough for the coaches to give the schedule to me rather than my parents, I’d hide it for as long as possible because I didn’t want my parents to know when my games were.

“We want to watch to support you,” they’d say.

“I don’t want you there. Support me by not watching!” I told them for years. Unfortunately they didn’t always listen, and obviously I didn’t like seeing them at my games. Actually it would have been best if nobody watched our games. Nonetheless, catcher was my position that I still hold dear to my heart.

Cross country running became my sport in high school, and technical theatre became another extracurricular activity. Theatre techies are those people who dress in black, make scene changes happen, and operate lights/sound from behind the scenes. We don’t want to be seen. Perfect! I never took to running track because everyone can see you throughout your race; in cross country the gun is fired, and runners take off on trails through the woods!

After my freshman year of high school my family visited Alaska for a month as my brother’s graduation trip. At the time I had no idea what I’d study in college and therefore no clue that the Museum of the North and Large Animal Research Station in Fairbanks would be part of my home just 3 years later.

Having lived fewer than 10 miles from the hospital where I was born for the first 18 years of my life, I would never have guessed I’d take off for college in Alaska. Honestly I wasn’t that girl who ran around in the woods at every chance, but apparently that need was bubbling below the surface. Before I’d even fully decided on college in Alaska, friends could just tell from my face that I was headed north.

Since coming north there’s been almost no turning back. Sure I continued to be a fine student, but I also ran around on the campus trails with friends to watch the northern lights until 3AM. First I was an Outdoor Adventures groupie, and eventually I became an employee who got paid to drive and then play outside. Probably from that point forward I’ve been doomed.

All I want to do is work outside. Wildlife fieldwork is the career for me, and I have almost no interest in working my way up a ladder to an office job of analyzing data.

Doing the grunt work of dealing with weather + living in a tent + being cut off from society for months + handling wildlife + seeing places some people have never heard of = the dream.

In general I’m a pretty happy person, but ever since graduation in 2011 I’ve noticed my contentedness and happiness reach a whole new level when I’m in the field. Life is just good out there, and I have minimal interest in rejoining society at the end of every field season.

Unfortunately field jobs are hard to come by on the shoulder seasons, so I find myself trying to keep away from the Pit of Despair. I have practically zero interest in any town job and 100% interest in any field job or travel opportunity. Looking at job postings on craigslist makes me depressed; looking at the Texas A & M Job Board makes my mind wander around the world. My other hobby? Looking up flight prices so I can go explore. In the last 24 hours I’ve looked up flights to Iceland, Hawaii, Cambodia, Laos, Seattle, Puerto Rico, and New Zealand.

Somehow I’ve become someone who just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the world’s norms. I live nowhere, work no steady job, own no car, have no known future, and have no interest in “settling down” soon. What good is a gorgeous world if I’m just going to work inside an office and stress over home? No. That sounds like a waste of time and loss of joy. I’d rather live and probably have less money because of it. Heck, if I end up living with a dog in a camping trailer at the age of 70, I probably will have had an awesome life.