Looking at fish for most of the day, day after day, really provides plenty of thinking time. Unfortunately there’s only one place my brain seems to find itself wandering around. If you know me, you can probably guess where that might be.

Really, can you blame me? Herring are fish, so therefore they look like trout. Turangi calls itself the “trout fishing capital of the world” and happens to be in this place called New Zealand. Obviously by sorting through herring for almost 2 weeks, my mind would be on travels through Turangi!

I promise I don’t try to call up memories of my 10 months there. My brain will just wander down to the southern hemisphere without warning! One minute I’m thinking about how I need to get groceries at Safeway, and the next minute I’m walking through a yellow Pak’n’Save in Palmerston North. One minute I’m eating a bowl of cereal, and the next minute I’m wishing for some “Sanitarium” cereal.

When I was watching part of the winter Olympics I saw numerous American snowboarders and didn’t particularly care how they did. When a kiwi was about to run the course, all of the sudden I got far more patriotic for NZ than I did for the US. There’s also a kiwi musher who ran the Yukon Quest and the Iditarod. I cheered louder for these New Zealanders than I did for anyone else!

What’s wrong with me? While mindlessly processing fish, I figured out the name of my condition: Post-New Zealand Love Disorder, or PNZLD. Please note I mean absolutely no disrespect toward PTSD, which gave me the inspiration for the name. I just realized that clearly there must be a name for this state, and I know I’m not the only one who suffers from it. Once you spend some time in that country, you realize that life is just better there. You love New Zealand from afar and can’t ignore it or get over it.

True, prices are even higher than prices in Alaska, but NZ has fresh fruit and vegetable stands along the roads in the spring and summer in NZ! I can eat peaches so juicy that I use my NZ cell and phone card to expensively call my Dad on the spot and torture him with news of my peaches that rival Michigan’s autumn Red Haven peaches. The fresh produce there is sweet as! That’s kiwi talk for “sweet.” You can also say that the weather will be cold as. Cold as what, you ask? Absolutely nothing. Just cold as. Even their phrases are more fun!!

I could give more examples if I took the time to reflect on the random memories that always pop up in my head, but I don’t need to drag this out.

PNZLD is real, and it’s the best and worst disorder to have. Sadly the only cure is to return to the country.

Unfortunately this is another health problem that insurance won’t cover. Insurance is such a rip-off. PNZLD. Tell your friends.