Su 22 April 2018, 22:24. Rooftop terrace of Windmill Hostel, Mendoza, Argentina.

Considering I entered Antarctica knowing virtually nothing about fur seal or penguin biology, I learned a lot over the course of my first season at Cape Shirreff. Doug, Jesse, Sam, and Adam taught me about seals. Jefferson and Nai taught me about penguins and skuas. Because of his short stay, Mike mostly taught me about baking sourdough, which I could argue is the most pertinent skill for the rest of my life. Last, but certainly not least, a few Antarctic fur seal puppies taught me about survival.

I’ll explain. The backbone of the Antarctic fur seal research conducted at the Cape comes from a busy period that runs from late November through the first third of December; the official name for this time is perinatals, the phase surrounding the time of birth. This occurs after the bulls have established their territories and the pregnant females have come ashore to give birth.

During this period Nai and I continued to monitor our penguins, who were in the thick of egg laying for both species. In the afternoons our work changed to helping the pinnipeders, which made for some longer days.

The pinniped team would identify adult females with a day or 2-old pup to capture, and while they worked on measuring and tagging the mother, Nai and I would take some measurements and basically babysit the puppy. In order to keep track of study pups, we bleached marks into the fur on their backs. (Note: The puppies molt off their thick coats after they’re a couple of months old, so the mark doesn’t last long.)

The bleached marks came from the names the puppies were given, and that’s where all the puppies’ teaching starts to come in. Penguinas – as female biologists studying the penguins are typically called at the Cape – are tasked with naming the puppies. It’s a rough life. But, as much as naming is completely up to us, we let the puppies show us their personalities first.

With roughly 26 puppies to name and the letters A to Z, numbers, or basic symbols at our disposal, there were many options. Thus, before perinatals even began, Nai and I held multiple puppy name theme brainstorming meetings. For the 2017-18 season we ultimately decided on the following:

Breakfast foods: Yogurt, Omelette, Waffle, Mimosa, Pancake, Leftovers, Grits, Burrito, Tea and Crumpets (twins), Coffee, Cavejuiceman, Fruit Loop, Bacon, Donut, Biscuit and Gravy (twins), Mr. Dashman
Types of dance: Waltx, Twerk, Bachata, Tango, Robot, Polka
Body parts: Face, Kidney, Follicle, Uvula, Socket, Miss Nipple, Pinky and the Brain (twins)

As I mentioned, we let the puppies show their personalities before assigning names. Some puppies were full of milk and therefore very sweet and sleepy, such as Waltx. Others were, well, just read below to see the personality notes we recorded for these four puppies.

Burrito – a fucking handful, aggressive, voracious, pooper, biter, little devil, cute face

Tango – likes going left, twitchy, adorable short sounds, less social, looking for partner to tango though

Coffee – made strange bubbly/grumbly noises, pooper, rowdy and bitey, gurgled, little sleepy at beginning, energy

Miss Nipple – fell asleep twice, sweet, but grumpy and bitey when woken up to return to mom

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The pinnipeders recorded the presence or absence of the mothers and puppies on the study beaches daily, which gave them ample time to watch the puppies’ personalities grow and change. Sadly, only 4 study puppies made it to the end of the season; the others died from starvation or predation. Yet from the 4 survivors we all learned some valuable lessons to apply to our own lives.

I present the Proverbs of the Four Survivors:

Burrito – Resist change. Only grow physically. Defend your bubble aggressively. Don’t explore.

Tango – Be ugly in someone’s eyes. Pay no attention to proper proportions. Don’t do anything. Exist. Live in the moment. (Adam was highly critical of Tango’s appearance.)

Coffee – Run away from everything that’s not your mother.

Miss Nipple – Make them think you’re dead. Never stop exploring.  (She hadn’t been seen for a few days and was basically in the “no hope” category before she was spotted inland in a totally new area for her.)

Hey, if these worked for fur seal puppies, why not us? Pick and choose as you see fit. 😉